The Fine Art of Self-Sabotage December 1, 2014 • 0 Comments These past few weeks have been illuminating in a number of ways. As I wind down the edit phase of the book, my mind has begun flashing upon the possibilities in the future. Revisiting the events of 2010 has been no small feat, and kicked up a substantial amount of dust, but I now feel ready to let the past settle into its proper place. The particles that float in my head space remind me of the sparkling sediment that comes off a rough diamond, which would have no value if it wasn’t put under tremendous pressure and shaped in a way that reflects its ultimate beauty. The same holds true for each one of us. Our pain and suffering create the extreme conditions that have the potential to reveal our unique magnificence. But, we must utilize these conditions wisely, lest they become an endless exercise in self-sabotage. This seems to be a common theme amongst the women that I have had the privilege to meet. It shows up in a multitude of sneaky ways. For me, it can be procrastination, but it often shows up as a sudden and compelling desire to clean the house, or organize the closet, while more important tasks sit untended. It has taken me a long while to recognize how adept my mind is at steering me off course because it is so subtle, and disguised as important busy work, that I hardly notice it. I have thought long and hard about this odd need to clean in the moments when I should be otherwise engaged and arrived at this understanding. When I was a child, my mother had very strict rules about how my room had to be kept. She was known to go in unannounced and dump out drawers as a form of punishment. I was also expected to help clean the house and iron as part of my chores. As long as I did all of this, I maintained a sense of safety and belonging in the house. There are threads of this that are rooted in being adopted, but that is another post. Although it is not financially productive, cleaning is my way of restoring a feeling of security when things get chaotic and seem out of control. I met a woman last week who said her saboteur was a combination of demanding absolute perfection and creating chaos by leaving really important things to the very last moment. Everything leading up to creating an event is utter pandemonium for her. So much so, her husband recently told her he could no longer be a part of the process (her words, “He handed me my ass.”), which made her take a step back to see the truth of her reality. Cloaking the steps leading up to an event in chaos, instead of designing an organized and well-executed experience, allows her to embrace failure if it happens, and serves the invisible master of self-sabotage, because deep in her heart, she truly believes she is a failure and not deserving of success. I continue to be in awe of our ability and power to manifest the naked truth that’s in our hearts. The one that is invisibly driving us down the highway of life and into the corridors and dark alleyways we’d prefer not to go into. So, what is the antidote to this propensity for self-sabotage? I have found it is a combination of unadulterated presence and relentless compassion. It is only when we are truly present and loving that we can catch ourselves in a moment of self-abandonment and refocus on what needs to be done. Steven Pressfield calls all of this Resistance and in his brilliant book, The War of Art, he suggests it is never going away. Never. I take this as a battle cry to honestly engage with our past and unearth the beliefs at the root of our resistance and saboteur. Self-knowledge is powerful ammunition to have on hand while dismantling the fine art of self-sabotage. How does the saboteur show up in your life? Is it doing you any favors, or steering you down the wrong lane, away from your true destiny? I’d love it if you would share your methods for stopping the madness. Sending love, -db Who is Dianna Bonny? Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.