The Secret Life of Secrets: When to Tell a Secret? September 5, 2014 • 2 Comments “Lying, by omission or commission, is a bad idea. I cannot shake my dependency on the white lie, because I was brought up to be nice. And I’ve never figured out the nice way to say, ‘I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than come to your house for dinner.’ But the meaningful lie, the kind that involves being…
Discovering Your Truth and Healing After an Affair August 15, 2014 • 0 Comments In my other life, I knew a woman who was involved in a long-term affair. This went on for years, and she spoke about it — and her vision of their future together — often and openly, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. I was always surprised by her confident tone of inevitability. At first,…
Dismantling the Construct of Shame May 19, 2014 • 0 Comments One of the most humiliating moments of my young life happened on the morning bus ride as we pulled into the parking lot of intermediate school. I was awkwardly sporting a brand new training bra and vacillating between being extremely proud, though I’ve no idea why since I had no breasts to speak of, and utterly terrified that someone might…
Emotional Healing: Shining a Light on Shame April 2, 2014 • 2 Comments “Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” –Brené Brown People make assumptions about me when they hear my story, which I suppose is understandable. Boy, you must hate men. Will you ever trust anyone again? How could you not have known? I don’t hate men at all, quite the…
After an Affair: Healing After Betrayal February 26, 2014 • 2 Comments Over the last three and a half years I have tentatively tiptoed my way across the landscape of betrayal, and to be honest, the mental gymnastics require nothing less than raw courage. On days when I am feeling utterly naked and vulnerable, I attribute it to my husband being a selfish philanderer, but truthfully, just a few steps beyond that,…
Besmirched: Does it Really Matter What Other People Think? July 29, 2013 • 3 Comments For a moment, imagine you have just discovered that your husband of twenty-odd years has betrayed you, in a multitude of ways (perhaps you have been in my shoes and do not need to use your imagination.) I hate to say this, but the mind often wanders into the wilds of “what other people think,” or at least mine did…