A Healing State of Mind & Asking for Help

I am wondering how you create a healing state of mind, because it’s something I have had to learn and now think of as a practice — something one has to actively cultivate for their betterment. It doesn’t just “happen,” rather we invite it into our lives daily through a series of decisions and actions that propel us forward on the course to wholeness.

People decide to lose weight and then adopt a new way of eating and moving. Individuals decide to save money and change their behaviors to serve that end. Is it possible that we must make a conscious decision to heal our wounds and then pour energy into this intention?

My definition of healing amounts to this: beating a path right into the places where the pain of our experiences exist, so we can honor the myriad of ways in which we have suffered, forgive ourselves and others, and integrate all of this repurposed energy into every cell of our being.

In thinking about this idea, I had a stream of consciousness moment that took me back to being twelve.

I have a scar on my left arm. For many years, touching or explaining its origins evoked a kind of ache. It resembles a flattened, knotty earthworm stretched out over my skin and brings to mind the summer I begged my mother to go to the doctor because my arm hurt. My pleas for help went unanswered.

Three months later, when we did finally go to the doctor, the ominous x-ray revealed a large, grey mass encircling my bone. As the doctor pointed to the film of my humerus, he casually mentioned “tumor” and “biopsy.” Only twelve years old, I was quickly ushered out of the exam room so my mother could discuss the options. I remember feeling scared and confused.

For many years I didn’t understand the scar on my arm represented more that just the result of a benign biopsy. Although I was told it would be unnoticeable and faint, it was anything but, and deep down it contained the pain of those three months of asking for help, but being ignored or told to stop complaining.

My arm was actually broken, and for three months, tried to heal, but continued to be re-broken via the summer activities of a twelve-year-old girl.

The scar actually represents something that became a subconscious way of life for me. I learned not to ask for help and to figure things out on my own. Asking was risky and could lead to disappointment or rejection.

Doing things on your own is certainly commendable, but learning to lean on, and trust, collaboration with others has its amazing merits. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, but it is something I avoided in my past, preferring to make my own way, appear self-sufficient and save myself the disappointment, I suppose.

I never really knew why I was that way until just now, as I was writing this post.

So much of why we are the way we are is buried deep in the stories we harbor, and the truth of who we are lies just beyond those stories. The odds of healing exponentially increase in our favor when we begin to cultivate an attitude of tender curiosity about our wounds and explore them with tender loving care.

The scar has a new meaning for me now. I don’t really know why my mother refused to take me to the doctor, but I have to forgive her and celebrate the lesson of self-reliance. From now on, when I notice the unsightly line of skin, I hope it will remind me to ask for help when I need it, and wholeheartedly embrace it when it arrives.

I’d love to hear how you invite healing into your life. Have you had any aha moments while exploring your pain that opened you up to a revelatory truth about yourself?


Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

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