Self Healing: A Few Things I Have Learned

This is a repost that still feels as true as the day I wrote it nearly two years ago. My how times flies when you aren’t looking!

If you have been thrown into the fire of loss, then you will know the feeling of treading upon the anniversary of these things with care. These days demand a certain kind of attention, a sacred acknowledgement of all that has passed.

Three years ago (tomorrow), I never would have imagined the events that unraveled my life leaving me alone, the solo parent of three gorgeous humans who did not deserve this fate. It never factored into how I saw my life going, but as I am sure many of you have experienced, life does not always go as planned.

Or dreamed, or desired or hoped.

All any of us can do is step into the ring and take one microscopic step after another (or lay down upon the earth for a while and breathe), until we find the edge of the abyss we have been thrown into, grab a hold of the ledge and patiently wait until we find the strength to crawl out.

Loss is brutal, unexpected and unfair.

Because of this, it is imperative that we explore our losses with love and tenderness, lest we become frozen in the landscape of our pain, forever stuck in the abyss.

A wise man once said to me, “You must share your story.” I didn’t agree. He continued, “My dear friend suffered a similar fate and curled up in bed only to open her eyes a year later to much worse. You must share how you got to where you are – it will help. It is your message.”

Again, I never would have believed that my in life would be entangled in a story that encompassed so much loss and pain, and yet, here I am.

Life is mysterious and unpredictable.

In honor of that, on the eve of this anniversary, I want to share a few of the truest things that have gotten me through these last three years, as I step through the vortex of that fateful day. Perhaps they will help you on your journey:

Honesty

One of the best things I did was share my story right from the start. I didn’t realize this at first, but being so candid freed me from the shackles of shame.

Be as straight up as you can – people really appreciate it. (Most of them, anyway.)

Courage

When I discovered blatant lies were being told about me, I had to muster the courage to step beyond them. I could have (and did for a while) entertained them, attached myself to them and allowed them to own me. Instead, I found the courage to just let the stories be told, in the hope that the truth would emerge.

This freed me up immensely.

Hope

We are creatures of meaning and one cannot get through tragedy and loss without hope. Hope was the sparkler in the dark cellar that lit my way. When nothing made sense, hope kept re-lighting the flame.

We are never the same after loss, but hope makes going forward possible.

Tenacity

There is nothing like tragedy to reveal your mettle, as in, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I had to wrestle my way through seven school district members to keep my son in a certain school. I was told, “It can’t be done” and “There are rules to follow,” and so on – seven times, a mere week after my husband died. I managed to keep my son in the school.

I said things I probably shouldn’t have, but I don’t regret any of them. I wasn’t rude, just ruthlessly honest about what I needed – this is the beauty of tenacity.

Surrender

Sweet surrender – a concept I have come to love. It is not giving up. It is accepting what is and forging something beautiful from the remains. It is saying, “I have to sell my family home because if we stay here we will lose everything,” and trusting that it will work out. It is finding the best homes you can for your beloved horses, because that is all you can do to save them and yourself. It is understanding that sometimes things work out for reasons you might not understand for a very long time.

Surrendering to reality is not a sign of weakness. It is the ultimate offensive move.

Trust

This one is so difficult and yet brings so much peace. It is a word I hear often in my meditation, out of nowhere, “Just trust.” I struggled with this in the beginning, but now hear the word and smile. I understand I am not in command of all the important information and I must be patient and let things be revealed in their own good time.

Love

I think of love as the gateway drug to healing.

When I looked into the eyes of my children that night, I was flooded with so much emotion I nearly drowned. Love was the lifesaver around my neck, the magnet that pulled me back to shore. I was overwhelmed by my love for them and it opened my eyes to a sad truth: my own self-loathing.

So I am speaking of self-love and self-reverence, because only when we can truly love ourselves: our shortcomings, our neediness, our goodness, and our truth, can we open to the bigger reasons for being here.

Where childbirth burst my heart open, gracing me with the ability to love bigger, tragedy smashed my heart to pieces. The beauty of this was a chance to put my heart back together, minus the self-loathing. Love was the glue.

I have come to believe that loving ourselves (in a wholesome way) is the ultimate homecoming that the universe intended all along. Curating yourself into a self-cherished and well loved human being opens the way to a much bigger experience of being alive.

Whatever your loss, I wish you strength and wherever you are on your journey, I wish you continued healing.

Thank you for sharing my journey with me.

With love,

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  6 comments for “Self Healing: A Few Things I Have Learned

  1. August 19, 2013 at 4:37 am

    Appreciated your honest, transparent post. Will be praying for you today on this anniversary day.

    • Dianna Bonny
      August 19, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      We did well Anne. Thank you for your kind thoughts. xo

  2. Audrey O.
    August 19, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Thank you Dianna for your courage. honesty and love that is a light. Blessings to you and your family.

    • Dianna Bonny
      August 19, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      Many thanks for being here Audrey and for the encouragement. xo

  3. catherine
    August 27, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Thank you for this brave and honest post, Dianna. All the best to you and your family. xoxo

  4. Zumi
    March 30, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Thank you so much for posts! Reading them helps me to face my own story with Courage and Faith, instead of shame and fear.

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If you have found yourself on the threshold of loss, I blog weekly with tips and tools for the journey that helped me and may help you, too.



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