Emotional Wounds: The Secret to Your Why

the wound | Dianna Bonny PhotographyIt is no secret that my kids are the inspiration behind what I do. They are my why. It has been this way since becoming a mother, but when our lives changed that fateful day in 2010, my why shifted to another kind of why, much bigger, and more definitive.

This deeply passionate and devoted why was ignited by a man in a coffee shop.

He was an acquaintance, someone I had met, but did not know well. He had heard what happened to me, so when we sat down that day in the coffee shop, he thought he would offer me a shoulder to cry on. What transpired, however, was a deep exchange in the other direction, because I had no idea of his story.

“I have never told anyone this before, but my father took his life when I was thirteen.”

He leaned over after he said this and hugged me. I suddenly realized I was holding the thirteen year old boy, not the man, forever frozen in time, his young soul seeking resolution and understanding. His mother forbade him from speaking of his father, or his death, so he was permanently cycling through a never-ending kind of hell.

It made me realize that I didn’t want my kids to end up there. It put me on the path of writing about my journey and exploring the underbelly of what happened.

When I share all that passed through my life during the ten days leading up to my husband’s death with people, there are a number of reactions. Most begin with a look of shock. Folks shake their head, or sigh and reach out to touch me. They say things like, “Holy shit.”

It is an instant ice-breaker and conversation stopper all at once, but it engenders human connection at the most intimate level that I have ever encountered, and the people I meet are always teaching me one thing: we are all seeking connection.

But here’s the unfortunate thing: fear holds us back, shame blocks the passage and ignoring our wounds keeps us bound to isolation.

I don’t know exactly why I felt compelled to share what happened to me. It just spilled out from the beginning. In many ways, I felt as though the universe was coaxing me on, whispering, “Yes, you passed through and survived — now go do something good with it.”

I am eternally grateful for the nudge. By letting the pain of my wounds escape into the open, I have stepped into the most gorgeous conversation imaginable. The one about suffering that connects each and every one of us to our deepest humanity. One that I never would have believed a few years ago when I was very invested in keeping my pain hidden away.

Do you think it is possible that sharing our pain and tending to our emotional wounds with love and compassion, can open us up to connection — granting us the very thing we seek, yet push away?

Do you think it is possible that your wounds might hold the secret to your why?

As always, sending you wishes for empowered and radiant healing.

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny:

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  2 comments for “Emotional Wounds: The Secret to Your Why

  1. March 3, 2014 at 8:08 am

    No question about it. A deep yes to both questions Dianna.

    • Dianna Bonny
      March 3, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      I love the phrase deep yes. Thanks for sharing that Tracie 🙂

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