The Illuminating Journey of Self Healing January 13, 2014 • 2 Comments A few months ago I was honored to be asked to guest post on the fabulous TalkProject.net. I am a big fan of sharing stories and I adore Tracie Nichols’ work. I hope you will explore the site. This is a re-post of what I shared and because I hope 2014 is the year we can all lay ourselves out upon the ruins and find transformation, I thought I would share it here. Isn’t it time to let your story out into the open? I have come to think of the healing process as a departure from all things familiar, a journey through territories unexplored, which demands a great deal of courage, trust and surrender. Healing is not a joy ride, although that is hopefully the end result. Throughout my own journey, I have had a few defining moments that seemed to catapult things to another level. One of them appeared in the form of a woman at a party who vigorously questioned why I would want to publicly tell my story. Clearly embarrassed by the details, she leaned ever so slightly away from me as she listened, in horror. I was fascinated by her reaction. I was even more fascinated by my fascination, because in the old days, I would have become defensive, then most likely agreed with her and ceased telling my story. This was about a year after things had gone rather tragically wrong for me, a year of sifting, examining and pondering. It was a time of learning to befriend my emotions and letting them escape the confines of my being, instead of suffocating them under the surface. The process had me alternately curled up in a ball on the floor crying, pounding the ground and screaming at the top of my lungs until my throat burned. It was a year of reckoning with all that had been unexpressed throughout my life. By choice, I strode into the aftermath of the apocalyptic events unprotected, driven by the realization that playing the victim would forever chain me to my old life. I briefly entertained the alluring seductress denial, but I desperately wanted freedom. I had no armor to protect me from the anger that my husband had taken his life. No sword to ward off the despair over infidelity. No shield to lessen the blow from having my life ripped out from under me. So, I laid myself out in the ruins and surrendered. Having spent most of my life avoiding any contact with the truth of my soul, this was no easy task. Spending time in this way allowed these emotions to caress my being in a way that I had never been touched before. I let anger flow through me like a raging river, and I was graced by an intimacy with myself that was previously unknown to me. I had previously feared my anger, fiercely suppressing it to depths unknown. Now I came to regard it as my guardian, a messenger sent to alert me that things were not as they should be. On a much deeper level, lurking in the shadows beneath the anger, lay the wounded part of me cleaving for dear life to the belief of unworthiness. Making this connection, I felt its grip loosen ever so slightly, and slowly began giving myself permission to say: I am perfectly flawed and more than enough. As I was speaking to the horrified woman that day, I realized I was no longer a captive of my story, rather a curious and willing student. This was both liberating and illuminating. Examining and honoring every lurid detail of what had passed through my life opened me up to the mystical properties of tragedy and healing. I see now that each moment and experience in life contains a precious gift that can propel us toward a better existence. Or a more painful one. It all depends on how we choose. Have you laid yourself out upon the ruins of your experience and allowed its wisdom to permeate your soul? Sending you strength and courage for your surrender and an opening for the wisdom that arises. -db Who is Dianna Bonny? Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.