“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”  Anthon St. Maarten

There seems to be a lot of one or the other in the world right now:

Good or bad. Right or wrong. Us vs Them.

Instead of striving to live with the inherent nature of duality that exists in our lives, I am noticing the tendency to label things and then create teams to support that position. Perhaps it is a way to contain complex ideas we don’t understand or simplify what could indeed be overwhelming.

Take suicide and infidelity, two highly charged and taboo subjects fraught with judgment and fear, neither easily nor openly discussed. Opinions are plentiful and the natural inclination is to run to one end of the spectrum and broadcast them.

I have encountered some formidable, take-your-breath-away opinions on these subjects, and only the rare courageous soul willing to step beyond this threshold into more interesting territory, where the raw truth of humanity (and heart expanding discussion) exists.

When my life first intersected these experiences, believe me, I wanted people on my team. After hearing my story, if someone said to me, “I’m sorry, but,” or “I hate to say this, but,” I knew what was coming and I welcomed the harsh criticism of my husband’s choices with open arms. There was nothing more edifying than having another human confirm my innermost pain and bear witness to the fact that I had been wronged in the most devastating way.

And then someone said something to me that changed my trajectory in a profound way.

“In your position, I would think one has to be careful about getting caught in the trap of demonizing your husband. It can seem like a powerful place to stand, but in fact it could end up being a lonely prison.”

I thought about this for a long time.

I realized that I had to become a student of duality and somehow learn how to hold wildly opposing emotions within myself, because the alternative – staking myself to the bad, the judgment or the wrong of what I perceived he did – left me very little room to explore what lay deeper.

And, more importantly, it was in stark contrast to what was most important to me: the highest good of my children.

I was called upon to do what Cheryl Strayed so eloquently writes of in her book, Dear Sugar, “It’s what most of us have to give a few times over the course of our lives: to love with a mindfully clear sense of purpose, even when it feels outrageous to do so. Even when you’d rather put on your steel-toed boots and scream.”

For me, holding both anger and forgiveness in one space is challenging, and at times, impossible and gut wrenching.  I find it requires constant attention and a willingness to cultivate the long-term vision, the one way out beyond the pain of the present moment.

I don’t want to give you the impression that I am some kind of saint. I have my moments of utter disgust and frustration at what I have been asked to handle and there are days when I can’t see beyond the icky details and feel stuck. But I think there is a lot more room, and freedom, in the space between the good and the bad, than there is standing firmly planted on one side or the other.

The other day I had a vision during a meditation that got me to thinking: Is it possible that the universe, in her infinite wisdom, created our earthly bodies as vessels that are not only infused with an intelligence that we have only just begun to tap, but also as visual reminders that we have the capacity to hold so much more than just one perspective? Stretch both arms out perpendicular to the ground and, voila, you have a scale.

Have you found the the balance within you to hold opposing emotions? Do you think it’s possible?

From my healing heart to yours,

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.