Dear Live Changing Events of 2010:

I wasn’t terribly fond of the way you entered my life a few years ago and unapologetically devastated everything without warning. Who gave you permission to do that, Life Changing Events of 2010?

While my life wasn’t what I’d call perfect, I was fumbling my way through. I’ll admit I was too scared to change anything and that the fear was big enough to keep me in place.

In my darkest moments of unhappiness, I told myself lies about who I was and what was possible, and I mostly believed them. The uncertainty that arose from questioning them was too overwhelming to contemplate.

The lies were comfortable, or at least I thought so, until you came along on that hot Summer’s evening and unraveled my world.

For a while, I believed you had taken everything and I fell prey to thoughts of the glaring injustice inflicted upon me. I desperately wanted the key to unlock the door leading back into my old life.

Many nights I was balled up on the floor in a pool of tears.

Many nights I poured extra wine in my glass to disconnect the pain that was too much too face.

In the beginning, I looked only at what I thought I had lost which, in my mind, seemed to be almost every important thing. My nice house. My horses. Many friends. Carloads of superfluous stuff, and more carloads of superfluous stuff.

The most painful was the identity I had created for myself, the one that made me seem happy and well put together to the outside world, while I lived in my nice house with all the superfluous stuff and my fear.

Losing the identity was quite a shakedown because – who am I – if not the lady who has it all together?

Thanks to you, Life-Changing Events of 2010, I had to learn this the hard way.

I am the lady who doesn’t have it all together and, in spite of this, I am enough. I am a human on the learning curve, at times, just barely hanging on. I have come to love this idea of being enough and have a daily practice of wrapping this new way of being around me like a comforting blanket.

I don’t think I would have discovered this in my own good time.

I am the lady who lives a life embracing uncertainty. I am a mother who continues to fiercely nurture her children. I am a wounded being on the path to healing and living a life that often stretches me so far beyond my comfort zone, I can barely breathe.

And, strangely, it feels good because I feel alive, not numb, the way I did before.

While your methods were rather harsh and abrupt, and I wish you could have been more kind to my children, I have come to see the lessons as a gift – one that keeps on giving. Often, the gifts aren’t what I think I want, but seem to be what I need, in order to grow.

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle with strike you as the most beautiful.” Sigmund Freud

I understand now that initially I made the struggle far worse with my desire to remain the same, but you made that utterly impossible to do. For that I am eternally grateful.

I am still learning and I no longer want to go back to my old ways or self. I do miss my horses terribly.

With sincere gratitude,

Dianna

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.