Archive for the ‘Dianna Bonny’ Category

Justifying Cyberbullying as Freedom of Speech

Friday, April 18th, 2014

“When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you.”  Marcus Aurelius

I want to share an unfortunate lesson in the adage, No good deed goes unpunished. I have to admit that I have never really grasped this idea. In fact, I’m not sure I do now, despite the fact that I am a living example of it. And what makes me sad about the lesson is this: I did the right thing, but I probably would not do it again because of the outcome.

This is regrettable because I think not doing the right thing shreds the fabric of our community and allows evil to prosper.

Once upon a time, ten or so years ago, a friend and I were out on a horseback ride. She asked my opinion on (more…)

Suicide Awareness: Thinking and Speaking of Suicide

Monday, April 14th, 2014

John Lennon quote | Dianna Bonny Photography

As suicide rates continue to climb, I have to think that perhaps the way we think and talk (or not talk) about it are not working. Having spent the last four years acclimating to being a part of this culture, I have fully experienced its taboo nature and the way people emotionally retreat in its presence.

It is, without a doubt, one of the more uncomfortable subjects to unravel and discuss.

A young man approached me in New York last week after overhearing me speak about my story to the media. I would guess he was twenty-three years old, quite handsome and well spoken. He told me he thought of taking his life often and didn’t know what to do about it. Life hadn’t turned out to be what he expected, and while he tried to talk to his friends about it, all they could offer was that he just needed to stop thinking about it.

The advice was of no value to him. (more…)

Forgiveness & Gluten-Free Almond Butter Cookies

Friday, April 11th, 2014

almond butter cookies | Dianna Bonny Photography

I am struggling with back pain due to a compromised area that didn’t do well with being seated on airplanes and hard seminar chairs for a week. I don’t think hoisting luggage up into the overhead bin helped either. The pain is interfering with my ability to do just about everything, including cleaning up after my dogs on the morning walk. It is the bending over or twisting that causes excruciating, take your breath away pain.

The only way I can tidy up after them is by assuming a wide stance squat position and slowly lowering myself downward, which must look ridiculous, but I am using it as a meditation in how we contort ourselves to compensate for pain, both physically and emotionally, in a myriad of ways.

One thing I can do without too much pain is bake cookies. (more…)

Share Your Story and Connect to the Healing Bandwidth

Monday, April 7th, 2014

nyc graffiti | Dianna Bonny Photography

I spent the last week in New York City, and having not been there in over twenty years, was happily overwhelmed by the noise, hustle and bustle. It is so vibrant — a welcome contrast to sleepy San Diego, and the street art is amazing as well. I could spend hours walking and adrift in the flow of people who all seem to have uncanny guidance radar as they navigate the busy sidewalks and traffic. It was like being a part of a perfectly choreographed production — everyone knows exactly which way to go, or not, most of the time.

Wearing the standard black coat and boots, I felt as though I fit right in. (more…)

An Out Of This World Maple Syrup Candied Bacon Recipe

Friday, April 4th, 2014

photo of maple syrup candied bacon | Dianna Bonny Photography

Sometimes ideas come to me in a flash for this blog. I will see an article or hear something that triggers a stream of consciousness and — viola — a post is born. This week however, after days of dodging my sick children, I have fallen prey to a rather nasty cold/flu bug that rendered my brain useless.

Which is why I am writing about maple syrup bacon. (more…)

Emotional Healing: Shining a Light on Shame

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

“Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  –Brené Brown

People make assumptions about me when they hear my story, which I suppose is understandable.

Boy, you must hate men.

Will you ever trust anyone again?

How could you not have known?

I don’t hate men at all, quite the contrary. I do trust people, I just trust myself more now. The fact that I didn’t know what my husband was up to is an instructive meditation. I am still figuring out the things I knew on some level, but turned away from, and am seeking to understand why.

pretending

I think the question, “How could you not have known?” is an interesting reflection of the person asking it. I am never entirely certain if they are actually asking me, or merely questioning themselves. Often times it is followed by, “Do you think my husband/wife is having an affair?” and then a stream of consciousness about what might be happening in their marriage. (more…)

Dreamy, Soul Satisfying Dairy-Free Chocolate Pudding Recipe

Monday, March 31st, 2014

photo of empty chocolate pudding bowl | Dianna Bonny Photography

When all else fails, there’s Chocolate. And, what could be better than a dairy- and gluten-free treat when your healing efforts have stalled? Even if they are sailing along nicely, there is something very soul soothing about a comfort food like pudding. (more…)

Self Healing Techniques: Tapping Your Way Through Resistance

Friday, March 28th, 2014

Tiffany Loren Rowe quote | Dianna Bonny Photography

Lately, I have been engaged in a dance with the darkness, also known as resistance. Inner soul basher is a better description. Steven Pressfield writes beautifully of this in his book The War of Art. It seems to me the more I invite the light in, the more the darkness seems to pull out all the stops and throw down seemingly treacherous obstacles.

It dawned on me this morning, just before my (more…)

The Beauty of the Mother and Child Bond

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014

In 1963, when I was born, it was decidedly un-hip to be pregnant and unmarried, so at the tender age of 3 months, I was given up for adoption.

I am one of those lucky adoptees in that my birth mother hired a private detective to find me. I was 30 and pregnant with my second child. The first question I asked her was, “Did you ever think about me?” as I patted my growing 7-months-pregnant belly. It was a question I wondered about as a child, and as it came out of my mouth, it felt like it was coming directly from the heart of the little girl I once was.

There is something sacred about being found when you have been given away, and the fact that she searched for me, signaled that she had wanted me on some level. It soothed the part of me that felt abandoned that had haunted my entire life, despite having two parents who loved me.  (more…)

On Courage, Casseroles and Expressing Sympathy After a Suicide

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014

I felt very loved during the first few weeks after the suicide. Friends and family flew in from near and far; even the best man from my wedding, who lives in Belgium, came to visit. People brought an overwhelming bounty of food and flowers and wine. I would arrive home and find breathtaking floral arrangements and casseroles on the outside table with cards expressing love and sympathy.

expressions_of _sympathy

It was strange the way the house was teaming with activity, alive and vibrant, in spite of the circumstances.

I felt wholly embraced in this space and wanted to bottle up the feeling of connectedness for later reference. At the same time, I felt isolated, an invisible bystander in my own life. My brother asked one day how long I thought all this would last and I guessed about three weeks. It was almost exactly that when people began disappearing back into the life from whence they came. (more…)