I call the following the Trinity of Healing, born from the three-legged stool analogy, because we all need a supportive foundation upon which to sit as we heal in the aftermath of loss. Nothing fancy, just three concepts that seem to bubble up to the surface over and over as I travel this path. And since you and I are on this journey together, I felt compelled to share them.
Archive for the ‘Dianna Bonny’ Category
There are a lot of pieces to my story that I have not shared yet. Some things are in the book, others I am still working through and processing. It continues to amaze me how long it takes to make sense of the emotions and pain that go along with suicide.
One aspect I have not spoken much about here is blame. I have chosen to remain mostly silent about the fact that certain members of my husband’s family have chosen to blame me for his death and continue to go to extraordinary measures to slander my name and hurt my family.
For the sake of my children, I remained silent, hoping that time would give them perspective and the ability to understand that there is more to the story than the parts they want to believe. I truly believed this would happen, but it has not, so I have decided to begin speaking of it openly now. This decision was sparked by an email I received the other day (more…)
Writing a blog is not unlike the age-old practice of keeping a journal. The major difference being that one doesn’t necessarily want anyone to happen upon the contents contained in the pages of a journal, where one has high hopes that many folks will in fact read a blog post.
I believe the magic of a journal is this: in dumping the monkey-mind chatter that endlessly ricochets around our head onto a blank page, it somehow seems to lose its power. Often, when the words are spilling out onto the page, ideas will come together and things might loosely start to make sense – a delightful bonus.
I don’t write blog posts with the intention of a mind dump. I always start with an idea and then follow the thread to find the lesson. It is very purposeful, although I really never know where I am going until I get there. (more…)
I have been revisiting some of my blog posts this summer and when I came across this one I knew I had to re-post it. I wrote it at the beginning of this blogging journey. It clearly details my “why” and comes straight from my broken heart and wounded soul. I needed to be reminded of these precious things and hope you don’t mind me sharing it again.
Hi. My name is Dianna.
I am a seeker. A curious observer of life and human behavior.
I am currently navigating the deep end of a very shocking experience. In 2010, my family’s life was devastated by tragic and unforeseen events. Life interrupted at warp speed. Ten gut wrenching days that began with a mysterious phone call and ended with my husband’s suicide.
It was chaos. Revelation after revelation. Deep betrayal. The kind that rips your heart out.
I had no road map to guide me, no warning or previous experience with these matters. Each day brought forth new facts and circumstances to handle. Information, as well as misinformation, was coming fast and furious. It felt like I was standing in the middle of a freeway desperately trying to get over to an off ramp. One wrong move and I would be flattened. I did get flattened — many times. The people closest to us — who lived it start to finish — said they had to check in every three hours just to keep up . (more…)
It is difficult to believe that it has been a year since my singing debut and fiftieth birthday. So much has happened since then, and of course it means another year sandwiched between the life changing summer and the present. In many ways, it seems like yesterday, in others, another lifetime.
As the fourth year passes, I find that I am more full of appreciation, less fear and confusion.
Traveling through the landscape of loss, I have become a firm believer that time does not heal all wounds. Healing is a choice that must be cultivated and consciously practiced. The benefit of time is (more…)
I am not much of a get-my-photo-taken kind of gal. Being seen has been an uncomfortable space for me. I was the girl awkwardly hiding behind other kids in teen-age photos. I am the woman holding my hand up in front of my face when the camera comes out. I have thousands of photos of my kids, very few of me.
So, taking the picture for this blog was a huge step outside my comfort zone. I’m not entirely sure why I decided to do it, however I highly recommend it as an exercise in being witnessed by the person behind the camera and then beginning to see your self.
When I look at photos of myself from years ago, I see a fearful woman who didn’t believe she fit in. My eyes are a deep reservoir of longing. I didn’t know that then, the longing I felt, but I can see it now, how much I wanted to belong in the world around me.
I ran this post about this time last year and I felt it necessary to break it out again because the lazy days of Summer are upon us and they go well with this delicious gluten-free Blueberry Crisp.
As I tweak some of my favorite recipes to accommodate a healthier diet, I have to admit that I hanker for the old days when I barely gave a thought to eating bread or wheat, other than it might make me fat.
This is one of my favorite summer foods to make because there is something incredibly satisfying about fruit combined with the cookie-like topping of a crisp and a huge scoop of ice cream. I have mentioned before that I am not a baker, which is why the crisp is a perfect project for me: it is terribly forgiving.
I usually double the topping recipe because, well, more of it is better. (more…)
Don’t let your wounds make you someone you are not.
The above thought came to me when I was trying to figure out what exactly I am doing with all this writing and bound up desire to share my story. Sometimes, it seems like such craziness. I mean, I am up against some pretty big odds here and every so often there is a part of me that steps in, slaps me around a bit and simply demands to know what I am doing. (more…)
This week, for the first time in a long while, I was actually able to bend over without grimacing and holding my breath due to lower back pain. This has been troubling me for years, but I have always been able to beat it back to a tolerable place via acupuncture, massage and/or chiropractic care.
On my flight to New York in April, I knew I was in trouble after I lifted my suitcase into the overhead bin and sat down. There was that excruciating moment of realization that something was not right, but there I was, a captive passenger for the next five and a half hours. I hobbled my way through the next week with a steady stream of Advil in my veins and was impressed by the kindness and generosity of strangers willing to share the drug contents of their pockets and purses.
Back pain seems to elicit a universal kind of empathy. (more…)
Last week I had the opportunity to share my story with a wonderful group of people who graciously allowed me to unfurl before them. I really enjoy this kind of interaction with small groups. Answering questions forces me to dig deeper into what I have learned and how it might apply to the others dealing with loss. It is very life affirming and soul healing.
One thing that came up, and seems to come up a lot, is the challenge of speaking with children about death. How do we, as parents, open the door to this very uncomfortable topic, and then keep a dialogue going that is in the best interest of the child? (more…)