Traversing and Embracing Uncertainty

uncertainty | Dianna Bonny Photography

I don’t know about you, but when I became a parent I was somewhat clueless. Right next to my desire to be a mother sat a rather large field of dreams, but not a whole lotta solid thought about what it might mean ten, fifteen, twenty years down the road.

I am reminded of this phenomenon as I work on my blog and book. I naively started out thinking, “Oh, I think I will write a blog and a book,” and by the time I finished and learned the reality of said blog/book — marketing, social media, PR, agents, self-publishing and so on — there was no going back.

All of a sudden, the baby is a teen sauntering into adulthood and the blog/book is no longer an idea, rather an actual entity. If we understood all the details up front, I would surmise a lot of children and books might never have come into being.

I, for one, am wholeheartedly thankful for not knowing all the details, because I adore my children and I love writing. Sometimes being in the dark is a good thing: we figure it out as we go along.

This is what I am doing now: figuring things out as I go along. Mindfully looking into the future, but trying to be truly present to this moment I command right now.

But my command of things vacillates. Some days are good, solid and productive. I have a tendency to wake up at four am, and rather than fight it anymore, I meditate. Mostly I try to clear myself of unwanted energy and call in guidance and inspiration for the day. Neural connections are made, my writing flows and life is lovely.

Other days are not so good. In spite of all my visualizations and deep breathing into my tippy toes, I can’t seem to calm the storm that has gathered and knocked me off balance. On these days, I call my friend Suzani for guidance (she is a treasure trove of wisdom) and I walk the earth, trying to break free of the spell. Often times I light candles and bounce on my rebounder.

Absolutely nothing worked this past Sunday. Not one darn thing. I tried writing about all the things I am grateful for — which is quite a lot. I took a bath. I commended myself for how far I have come, but the darkness wouldn’t budge. So I retreated to my bed and wallowed in my confusion.

This feeling lingered longer than usual and  I wrestled with it. I get agitated with myself when answers don’t immediately bubble up and it was the better part of two days before bits and pieces finally made an appearance.

What I realized is that I am once again immersed in the depths of uncertainty, and it makes me uncomfortable. Remember when your children were young and you just figured out the stage they were in only to have them suddenly move to a completely different one? This is where I am with my self and my writing.

I am trying to figure it out as I go along, but here I stand at an intersection where nothing feels familiar and part of me is kicking up some dust in rebellion — and wondering out loud to you — about when life might feel familiar and comfortable again.

I came across this quote on Dina Proctor’s site and it lifted my spirits. I am hoping (fingers, legs, arms and toes crossed) that it might be true:

“Every positive change–every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness–involves a rite of passage. Each time to ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.”  Dan Millman

Are you navigating unfamiliar territory in your life? Do you have a secret to figuring it out as you go along?

I would love it if you would share your brilliant wisdom here.


Who is Dianna Bonny:

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  3 comments for “Traversing and Embracing Uncertainty

  1. November 15, 2013 at 7:35 am

    I wish I had some insight to this as well. I’ve been struggling for a couple weeks trying to find that hidden motivation. Prayer, contemplation, daily activities…nothing. I’ve noted in my journal that I just feel flat. I’m sure that as the seasons change this will, too. It’s just difficult waiting for the trees to bud.
    Thanx for this post.

    • Dianna Bonny
      November 15, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      Ah, perhaps you are just temporarily suspended in between rungs on the ladder with me Mike 🙂

  2. November 15, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    All I know, Dianna, is that we don’t move in a nice straight, smooth line. While my journey is not yours of a writer, I see my progress moving in fits and starts … moving along nicely, then suddenly taking a giant step backwards for a do-over. Then hanging in limbo before moving forward again. For weeks I’ve been jumping out of my skin as I transit from one “present moment” to another. Does it make sense at all for you to take the pressure off yourself and let a certain period of time pass in which you give yourself permission to “molt?” [Sorry about all the visuals!]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *