One of the most challenging parts of my journey has been the feeling that I have lost precious time with my children during these last two and a half years. Although I am powerless to change that fact, perhaps it is what inspires me to find the silver lining in the mess. It gives me a sense of recapturing the time.

I was bemoaning this lost time to a wise friend of mine and she reminded me of how far we have come and pointed out the amazing experiences and people that have come into our lives that otherwise wouldn’t be here.

When I am truly present to what is before me today, knowing that I have three children who are grounded, loving and compassionate, I can stop resisting the past and allow joy to seep into my being.

Three months ago, I drove my middle son to the Los Angeles airport for his departure on a gap semester trip to India and Asia, a service learning adventure. His excitement was contagious and I was flooded with an overwhelming sense of gratitude at this amazing human before me, harnessing a spirit of adventure and confidence to step out into the world and explore its beauty.

As we sat at the In-N-Out Burger by the airport laughing, I had an ache in my heart at the thought of him leaving, but I couldn’t help but be thankful for his courageous spirit. The hardest part of parenting for me is the continuous process of letting go, especially after our tragedy. But let go I must.

Things could have gone in so many different directions, and yet, they didn’t. Our lives have mostly followed the trajectory I set nearly three years ago, when I declared this intention: we will learn everything we can from this experience and go on to live integrated, meaningful lives.

This week I will pick him up where I last saw him. While I am much the same, I am aware that he has been wholly changed, and I am incredibly grateful to witness this transformation.

I know this trip has expanded his mind and his possibilities, and in spite of his own personal loss, being out in the wider experience of life here on Earth has graced him with the chance to put his foot in the current of being alive on a much wider scale. Life isn’t always what we want or expect. It isn’t always pretty. But beneath tragedy lies beauty and just beyond difficulty, opportunity awaits.

Consciously choosing to live right along side the mystery, and remain in wonder and awe, is the vein of gold I want my children to swim in.

I truly don’t know where three months has gone but it has given me time to reflect on this: although we had no control over what happened, the emergent beauty is in how we are choosing to live and respond now.

Sometimes tragedy shapes us in ways we never could have imagined. Have you had this experience?

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.