Awareness & Understanding Quirky Habits October 18, 2013 • 2 Comments “Awareness shines a light through the dark forest of our psyche so we don’t have to keep running headlong into the trees.” When I stand, I have a habit of jutting my left foot out at a ninety-degree angle to my right foot. Sometimes I put my hands on my hips and I look ridiculous, but I can’t help it. It is a posture I adopted in my youth after someone pointed out that I was knock-kneed. I longed to be bow legged, however short of sawing my legs off, this was an impossibility so I invented this stance to mask what I saw as a flaw. Of course, I don’t think about that now, I just assume the position. When someone comments on it, however, I do reflect on the incredible power of the mind to find a way to ease discomfort. Becoming aware of why we do what we do is not always easy. Our wily, but well-meaning mind, has the ability to cover its own tracks. Think how easy it is to justify buying something you can’t really afford (I need this, I work hard – I can pay it off later) or drink the extra glass of wine (I deserve it – I am so stressed out.) A couple of years ago, one of the things I began to examine in earnest was my need to purchase better technology to “make” me a more productive or better writer. If I didn’t have the best laptop/screen, etc…then how could I possibly write well? After some thoughtful observation, I discovered this was a ruse to protect myself from actually having to write at all. All I really needed was a pad of paper and a working pen. I will admit I’ve gotten carried away with the pen thing, and fully understand that my quest for the perfect writing utensil is just another way to avoid doing what I need to do. Rarely do we step behind the veil of these rationalizations to discover the truth that lies there. It requires a bit boatload of courage and the willingness to face some naked truths about who we really are: the good, the bad and the (unfortunately) ugly. This can be uncomfortable, but the revelations provide powerful insights into the reasons we continue to engage in quirky or self-destructive behavior. Personally, I am in awe of these complex systems we establish to navigate the world and protect ourselves, especially the ones that go under the radar and end up completely sabotaging our lives. I used to bite my nails and I have never found a good explanation for this strange form of painful self-mutilation — trust me, no one actually wants to bite their finger nails. I concluded it was a form of passive-aggressive control over my mother because it drove her crazy. This theory was somewhat derailed by two discoveries: my birth mother bit her nails and I gave birth to a nail biting daughter. It is possible that nail biting is just a simple genetic predisposition and I should give up my self-appointed armchair psychology analysis, but I think there is more to it than that. I wish I could tell you I overcame nail biting through sheer willpower, but the truth is this: it is absolutely impossible to bite your nails with a mouthful of porcelain crowns (these were the result of jaw issues but that’s another post.) There are seemingly endless opportunities to unravel and understand why we do what we do. Without judgment or criticism, and just for the fun of it, follow something you do, that you have never questioned before, and see where it leads. Asking the simple question, “Why?” opens the door to possibilities that lie beyond our habitual coping mechanisms and contain the potential to free you from the things holding you hostage in life. Just pondering the simple question of whether you are doing something because you truly want to or because someone else insisted at one time that you do it will fling open some windows in your mind. Awareness is a lovely practice to adopt if you are in the midst of upheaval and want to do things differently in the future. I think of it as an essential part of self-care and a useful tool to pave the road to a really happy life. Wishing you expansive mindfulness that multiplies your joy and increases your healing bandwidth. -db Who is Dianna Bonny? Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.