I don’t know if you have ever been a part of a group performance or not, but this is my first rodeo.
As this transformational singing workshop winds down and we veer closer to performance day, nerves are a bit rankled. Coordinating all the moving parts is a challenge, albeit a beautiful thing to watch. No one wants to screw up, but we all do. I’m not sure if I am more nervous about remembering my lines, or singing, or falling. More than likely, all of the above.
When I showed my daughter my dress and said I wasn’t sure if I would wear it because I might trip in it, she said, “Who cares? Jennifer Lawrence already did that at the Academy Awards and made it look cool.”
Roger that. One less thing to worry about.
It is honestly so much fun to see how far we have all progressed. On day one, seven people scared to death with eight weeks to ponder their fate, to now, seven people scared to death, about to perform.
In reality, everyone’s voice has transformed. We all staunchly stated that we could not sing at the beginning, but the truth is, we can and do. And perhaps that is the beauty of this workshop: thinking that we cannot do something, but discovering we can.
I have to admit, although I put on a brave face, I am secretly terrified of what I am about to embark upon. A sense of disbelief floods through my body every time I think about this coming Sunday and the fact that I will be walking up and singing on stage, in front of people. The mental chatter ranges from, “what the hell were you thinking?” to “oh stop, you will be fine.” I constantly remind myself that I did this for healing and transformation.
Popular wisdom contends that in order to find out who we truly are we must go way out beyond the edges of our comfort zone. I have been doing this for the last three years in many ways, but this is most definitely the farthest I have ventured. Perhaps I should have tethered myself to something solid before I left.
My brother, who is a veteran performer and loves the stage, offered these wise words of wisdom after I expressed my fears:
“Remember you are not solving world problems here. You are entertaining people who have come to see you perform and want you to succeed. Every actor is haunted by feelings of not having rehearsed enough and messing up, but when you walk on stage something magical happens. Just trust in the process.”
Fingers crossed for the magic.
The sense of gratitude I feel for my fellow singers, the brave souls on this journey with me, is difficult to put into words. Their support is a bubble of unconditional we-are-in-this-together love I can lean into during moments of weakness. The shared experience of vulnerability has woven us together in the most wonderful way. Every time I step on stage, I look out into their eyes and trust that the energy they are sending to me is pure and good. And I know if I mess up, forget words or sing off key, that they will somehow carry me back to the space I need to be to start over. It is very liberating, and happily, not humiliating.
As for a healing experience, this wins first place for making me feel the most naked, vulnerable, and alive. I have to dig deep, really deep, every single time I step up in front of my group to sing, but each time I do it is as though another layer of unnecessary residue is washed away.
In these final moments we are weaving together the final details: pulling together jewelry, make-up, dresses and shoes. Never mind the merry-go-round of rehearsals. The rubber meets the road on Sunday night. I will report every scary detail next week.
Have you ventured out of your comfort zone lately in a way that helped you heal? Do tell!
Who is Dianna Bonny?
Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.
Tags: authentic voice, fear and anxiety, finding your voice, getting out of your comfort zone, healing and transformation, healing experience, healing therapy, healing trauma, how to build confidence, how to find your voice, out of your comfort zone, out of your comfort zone activities, personal growth, stepping out of your comfort zone, transformative singing