Healing Techniques: Embracing the Healing Powers Within February 5, 2014 • 2 Comments Last week I had one of those days where everything seemed shrouded in darkness, which went hand in hand with the restless night that preceded it. I am particularly vulnerable when I don’t sleep well, my brain becomes sieve-like, incapable of fending off scary thoughts. Mental exhaustion was common in the beginning, but with the river of adrenaline coursing through me, I had the stamina to push the menacing thoughts away for a later time. That warrior like energy eludes me now. I tried meditating at 2am, desperately seeking a quiet spot, out of the path of the thought tornado swirling in my head: How will you support your children? Will anyone read your writing? What if all this fails? I have tamed this voice somewhat, but it seems to wait at the edges to strike, when my defenses are weak. Seeking an ounce of solace in the hour of continuously returning to my breath, I only found an endless merry-go-round of frustration. Curling up in a ball, I imagined myself being held by a benevolent energy, but found no comfort there either. I fell into a brief, startling sleep, complete with a rapid series of dreams – nightmares really – about my teeth falling out (that’s a regular one for me,) my dogs pooping all over the house and the phone ringing and ringing, but being unable to find it. I have a sense that my subconscious is working out the murky details of being abandoned and betrayed, perhaps seeking the silent witness of dreamtime, while it cautiously unwraps the contents of what was left behind. Later that day, I sat in the yard, closed my eyes and completely surrendered to my fatigue. My friend is always telling me to bury my feet and release my pain into the earth, so I give it a try. Out of the velvety darkness behind my eyes, an image emerges bearing a woeful energy that seeks my attention. I have been pushing this particular moment away, refusing to give it an audience, perhaps afraid I cannot handle the emotions. On this day, I surrender and let the image and all its pain wash over me. It is a whole body experience that at first seems endless, but eventually quiets down after my emotions seem content to have been felt. I visualize the sadness swirling down through my body and into the ground beneath me. I notice tears on my cheek, and then to my surprise, my body is consumed by forceful sobbing, a final release. The peace that followed was like the unexpected embrace of a long lost friend just found, the years apart instantly forgotten, as our cells joyfully intertwined themselves back together. Living in the aftermath of this tragedy has definitely had a yo-yo dynamic. One minute I think, “I am fine, I have this all worked out,” and then, without warning, I am pulled down into the underbelly, where my soul is seeking clarity. I try to be in a relationship with this energy, to cherish its presence as a gift, similar to living with a mentally unstable, but beloved friend. I have to admit that fatigue makes cherishing anything extremely difficult. Life leaves wounds on our soul, doesn’t it? Some are paper cuts, some are gaping to the bone and we can try to ignore them, or we can invite each one into our awareness and lovingly engage with the wisdom contained therein. Do you try to pretend your emotional wounds away? Or have you found that tending to them nurtures and strengthens your inner wisdom? -db Who is Dianna Bonny? Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.