I wonder if you are experiencing this hybrid-holiday conundrum. Here it is a few days before Thanksgiving and I have already (I hate to admit this) broken my Christmas décor out of the boxes. This is new for me. I have always been a strict adherer to the one-holiday-at-a-time rule, however, I now have a blended holiday going on in that we will be eating Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by Christmas cheer.

I am not fighting this phenomenon. Instead, I am allowing a new kind of holiday to emerge.

Perhaps it is because the last three holidays were a bit tenuous. The first one, four months post-apocalypse, I was in shock and hell-bent on establishing some kind of ordinary routine, desperately wanting my kids to feel a sense of normalcy, in spite of the fact that we were now living in a new reality. I hadn’t quite acknowledged this fact.

The next two holiday seasons, I simply fell off the map. I tried my best to put on my happy holiday face, but it was half-hearted and under duress. Last year, much to my kids’ dismay, I just strung some lights on the banister and called it a day.

This year, having rounded a corner, I feel hopeful and imbued with a sense of my feet on the earth again. I notice an intriguing desire to once again participate in the world around me.

Holiday bah-hum-bug is a hard place to be when the culture around you is churning out the message that only candy cane cheer will do, particularly for anyone who has gone through any kind of trauma. If I could reach into the past and whisper some wisdom in my ear, here’s what I think I would say:

Cultivate awareness around your inner experience. In moments when you feel pulled or pressured (Should I buy more gifts? I really don’t want to attend this party), stop and allow yourself time to explore the tension. Grant permission to do whatever feels right according to your own inner wisdom and step into the idea that you have the power to establish new rules, despite what everyone around you might be doing. In my case, I explained to my kids that I simply didn’t have it in me to decorate. We all survived just fine.

Utilize the power of “No” as a powerful boundary setter. Think of it like Harold’s Purple Crayon. If you don’t remember that story, Harold simply drew what he wanted to exist in the world. Saying No establishes where you begin and end. If you are like me, I stretched my boundaries all over the place to fit in, not make waves and keep the peace. I think of “no” as the practice of disengagement, which allowed me to take a stand and be on my own side. Steal from Harold: use the crayon to say no and draw a new way to engage with the holidays and your life.

Ignite your own quiet holiday revolution. By definition, a revolution is changing the way things are now. It doesn’t have to be loud and outrageous. It can be silently powerful and only you need to know about it. Framing the holidays with the intention to inhabit each moment with a sense of grace and presence will place you in the middle of unbelievable magic, and create space for moments of unexpected joy that you might have otherwise missed. You will no longer be at the mercy of pervasive holiday expectations, rather you will be sitting in the seat of your own gorgeous experience, exploring each moment with tender curiosity and love.

I love this quote as a way to think about all this:

“Listen to your life. See it for all the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste and smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” Frederick Buechner

This week we officially step into the holiday vortex. Instead of getting involuntarily sucked in, take time today to frame how the next few weeks are going to feel. That way, when you step out the other side on New Year’s day and dust off the holiday glitter, you can reflect on the holidays with a deep sense of gratitude.

Sending holiday love and peace.

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny:

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.