I spent much of December in contemplation and confusion, which I am fairly certain was the result of completing the next iteration of my manuscript. It reminded me of the days after my first child was born. Pregnancy was full of planning and excitement and then instantly, I was a mother, with no idea of what to do with the human being in my arms.

I have a manuscript, but the next stage is where the real work begins. I came to the realization that this personal body of words needs time to marinate and settle, despite my desire to hurry-it-up-already and send it out to the world. A few fellow writers recommended this path and, while thankful for the permission to do this, it cast me into a mental no man’s land.

For four years I have been immersed in healing and writing about the event that changed my family’s life. It has been an amazing journey and one I am immensely grateful for in many ways, but where am I now, I mused as I held the “completed” manuscript, and what does the future hold for me.

Pondering these questions brought up a lot of fear and led me to begin what I have deemed an Emotional Cleanse, because I realized that despite all my inner work over the last few years, I am still coddling a few old belief systems that keep me trapped. I did this by upping my meditation practice and journaling. It didn’t take long to see the foundation of these belief patterns: a residue of unworthiness. When I had this epiphany, it sent me thumbing back through Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly.

In it, she says there is only one variable between people who feel a deep sense of love and belonging, and those who struggle for it:

“Those who feel lovable, who love and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging.”

This sentence struck gold for me as I realized that simple distinction of believing in my worthiness. I have lived most of my life under the spell of unworthiness, and when I look at all the decisions and circumstances in my world, I can see clearly how it has colored many aspects in not such a good way.

Hence the Emotional Cleanse, because I don’t really want to repeat any of my past patterns. They are worn out and tired, and I am worn out and tired from reliving them.

I see this cleanse in much the same way I did the Juice cleanse of last summer. A chance to reboot and live from place of vitality. A chef would never walk into a dirty kitchen and try to cook an incredible meal. A surgeon would never perform an operation in a unclean surgical theater. Yet, we get up every day and try to live a better life with the old paradigms and an archaic mindset. Perhaps a radical cleanse is in order.

Here is what I did that you can try too:

First, I watched this video on raising your vibrational frequency.

Second, I began meditating to these video’s from Dr. Terri Cole two or three times a day.

Third, I recorded all negative thoughts as they occurred and immediately replaced them with positive affirmations.

Fourth, I practice this simple energy routine from Donna Eden.

The biggest shift is that I am able to catch myself immediately when that voice comes in trying to ruin the moment. What I noticed the most about these thoughts is that they all point to some version of my perceived unworthiness.

I intend to unseat that belief this year and live a better life.

I would love it if you joined me in this Emotional Cleanse, so we can live the Wholehearted life that Brene Brown touts, one where we engage with the world from a place of worthiness and wake up knowing that we are enough.

I would love to hear how this cleanse works for you!

–db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.