A few years ago, I began writing my book and slowly wading through the stories and experiences that led up to the dramatic discovery that most of my existence was not what I thought it was. Through this process, it became painfully apparent that I had been inhabiting an unconscious life, one where I knew very little about myself, or the reasons why I behaved the way I did.

Frightened of what I knew, even more so of what I didn’t, I began holding every bit of information I discovered up to the light, and the page, for closer inspection. The idea of living on fault lines popped into my head as the perfect metaphor to describe how I had been conducting my life up to this point. Through my writing, I realized I had been living in the vicinity of my feelings, emotions and desires, but vigorously ignoring their place in my life. I came to understand that these invisible yet potent forces would no longer be denied. It was time for a reckoning.

Some twenty-five years earlier, in an attempt to understand why I felt so lost in life and figure out my self-sabotaging behavior, I went to see a therapist. Seated in front of her, I tried my best to answer her pointed and unending questions. My reply to nearly every one was, “I don’t know.” Exasperated, she finally looked at me and said, “You do realize that you know the answers, but you just aren’t ready or willing to explore them, right?” I left her office confused, frustrated and full of self-righteous indignation that I did not know the answers, and it would take many years, and a devastating tragedy, before I understood she was right.

My choice to “not know” the reasons for my behavior and unhappiness was born out of self-preservation and the desire to avoid the pain of exploring my wounds. I wasn’t ready, as the therapist knew. Through my writing, I developed the capacity to explore the experiences that had created fissures and become my “fault lines.” These events had created misguided inner perceptions about who I was, weakened my foundation, and left me unwilling to reveal my true self.

Experiences that create the most painful cracks contain sacred knowledge, and it is our privilege and responsibility to mine them for the truth and lessons they contain. Fault lines will always run through the foundation of our lives, but there is an undeniable magic to embracing their existence and fiercely honoring the wisdom therein.

May your life be full of love, truth and wisdom.

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.