The other night, I spent an hour chatting on Facetime with my son who is at college in Santa Cruz. My other son and I were curled up in bed, laughing and talking in front of the computer, and it almost felt like we were all together in one room, which made me smile, and reminded me of days when they were younger, long before they encountered tragedy.

Although things are very different now, the smile remained on my face as the sentiment made its way down to my beating heart, pumping molecules of happiness through my veins. I’m certain that this moment was the result of a million tiny other moments of connecting, teaching and processing the emotional tragedy that passed through our lives. A constant vigil of pouring light and love into them, ensuring that their inner emotional life was in alignment with reality.

I have had many people tell me they just don’t know how to speak to their children effectively. I’ve also met parents who have never discussed a parental suicide that occurred in their family with their children. My heart wonders about the emotional life of these kids in this distracted and disconnected world of ours because it is so easy to get lost in the mix.

I am the product of a household that didn’t talk about things that happened, one that actively encouraged denial, and I am still unraveling the threads.

I truly believe we need to willingly become our children’s emotional shepherds at birth, not just in tragedy, by being present to them and connecting to what is happening in the moment. Then, allow them to feel and express themselves and provide them with tools to navigate what they are experiencing.

Presence is a rare commodity and in this fast-paced and furious world, it is difficult thing to offer. But, when we begin to understand that our biggest gift and highest power is the awareness we bring to any situation, things begin to shift. Especially with our children.

One of my son’s friends said to me one day that he couldn’t talk to his parents the way he spoke with me. I asked why, and he paused for a moment to think. Shaking his head, he said, “I guess because they don’t listen like you do. They want to tell me what to do instead of hearing what I have to say.”

We do this, don’t we? Because it can be scary to hear what your child has to say, especially when it has to do with their pain. But, when we provide the safe space for them to unfurl themselves and find their way, magic happens. It isn’t about having answers, it is about being present.

Where are you placing your presence?

Sending love and joy,

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.