On Blaming Others: The Insidious Nature of Blame July 25, 2014 • 5 Comments There are a lot of pieces to my story that I have not shared yet. Some things are in the book, others I am still working through and processing. It continues to amaze me how long it takes to make sense of the emotions and pain that go along with suicide. One aspect I have not spoken much about here is blame. I have chosen to remain mostly silent about the fact that certain members of my husband’s family have chosen to blame me for his death and continue to go to extraordinary measures to slander my name and hurt my family. For the sake of my children, I remained silent, hoping that time would give them perspective and the ability to understand that there is more to the story than the parts they want to believe. I truly believed this would happen, but it has not, so I have decided to begin speaking of it openly now. This decision was sparked by an email I received the other day regarding an upcoming webinar with a mental health outreach group where I was invited to speak about my story and healing in the aftermath of suicide. The email I received was to let me know they had received two “scathing” emails received from my husband’s family, and that one of them contained the suggestion if anyone supported my work, there might be some kind of legal action taken. Understandably, because of this, the group decided to rescind the offer of the webinar. The family harassment has been happening on many different levels for four years, but this is new. It is a brand of blame that is attacking my ability to do my work and make a living. It is is simply not acceptable. I have been swept up by an awful trend that seems to be happening more and more in the world. One where unhealed pain has become an excuse and way of life. One where people live from the darkness of their wounds and seem to have a disturbing sense of entitlement in exacting their pain on others. If you have been reading this blog for a while you will know that I have never played the victim card, nor do I use this as a bully pulpit or place to belittle people. It is not a tell-all reality blog. I could have done that quite easily, but it never seemed the appropriate or productive way to go. For me, this is a quiet space where I have shared my soul and my healing journey. I started this blog with the simple intent to share the story of my journey and the truth. It is not a pretty story, but it contains a lot of lessons that I think are worth sharing, because it seems that an awful lot of people out there are suffering in the same way. I want to leave a better legacy for my children. It is really that simple. Unfortunately, my work continues to be sabotaged by blame-throwers. Brene Brown brilliantly sums up blame in her book Daring Greatly: “Blame is simply the discharging of pain and discomfort. We blame when we’re uncomfortable and experience pain—when we’re vulnerable, angry, hurt, in shame, grieving. There’s nothing productive about blame, and it often involves shaming someone or just being mean.” Lessons are tucked into every crevice of this experience when I make myself available to seeing them. In this case, it has been a tremendous opportunity for my children to see how people can be turned inside out by their unhealed pain and unleash it in the most cruel way on others. The most beautiful thing is that I didn’t even have to point this out. They noticed it all on their own. I would hate to think that anyone might believe some of the things they have said on the Internet about me, but I know that is a possibility. To remain silent might give the appearance I have something to hide, which I do not. If you ever have a question about me or my story, please feel free to email and ask. I’m curious if you have ever had to deal with this kind of situation and how you handled it. I’d love to hear any ideas you might have to share on the emotional or legal end of things. May you always be loved, connected and cherished, and divinely protected from the blame-throwers. -db Who is Dianna Bonny? Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.