My Story, Your Story: On Coping with Loss and Beginning Again

I have been revisiting some of my blog posts this summer and when I came across this one I knew I had to re-post it. I wrote it at the beginning of this blogging journey. It clearly details my “why” and comes straight from my broken heart and wounded soul. I needed to be reminded of these precious things and hope you don’t mind me sharing it again.

Philip Pullman photo quote | Dianna Bonny Photography

Hi.  My name is Dianna.

I am a seeker.  A curious observer of life and human behavior.

I am currently navigating the deep end of a very shocking experience. In 2010, my family’s life was devastated by tragic and unforeseen events. Life interrupted at warp speed. Ten gut wrenching days that began with a mysterious phone call and ended with my husband’s suicide.

It was chaos. Revelation after revelation. Deep betrayal. The kind that rips your heart out.

I had no road map to guide me, no warning or previous experience with these matters. Each day brought forth new facts and circumstances to handle. Information, as well as misinformation, was coming fast and furious. It felt like I was standing in the middle of a freeway desperately trying to get over to an off ramp. One wrong move and I would be flattened. I did get flattened — many times.  The people closest to us — who lived it start to finish — said they had to check in every three hours just to keep up .

I now had a big giant line — ten days wide — which clearly delineated my “before” and “after” life.

In the messy aftermath, I began talking to people and sharing my story. It was a way to make sense of it. A way to understand that it had really happened, because most of the time it felt like a surreal dream. Or nightmare, depending on the moment. I had the good fortune of meeting some incredibly honest people who were also struggling with loss. Some had pain as big as the size of Texas. I began to understand that most of us bear wounds that no one else can see. Invisible but ever so painful. Hearing my story was like an invitation for people to open up, and some of them had never told these things to anyone. It was very humbling and it cracked open the doorway to hope and knowing I could survive.

It also led to a fascination with how we deal with loss — of any kind, be it death or divorce or just losing hope — and the ultimate potential for resilience and flourishing.

How do we begin again? What path will allow us to thrive after we have been broken into a million pieces and scattered on the floor like marbles? At 48, with three amazing children to shepherd into their own lives after this tragedy, how do I expand into the lessons (rather than curl up in bed and hide) so I can open up to bigger possibilities? I suppose that is my intention. To create a space here for people dealing with “that” moment.  The phone call that brings you to your knees, knocks the breath right out of you and splays you open. Leaving you vulnerable to every little thing you have ever been afraid of in your life.

I would like to share the resources I have found that helped me to get up each day and begin again. Over and over. Traversing grief and loss is hard, gut wrenching work.  But the crystal clear, unvarnished clarity it renders is priceless.

My anchor to sanity and the way forward has been my three incredibly wise and humorous children. The brilliant future I want to create with them keeps me laser focused every day. Instead of becoming the defining moment of their lives, where everything fell apart, I want this to be a time to honor what happened and learn from the depth of why it happened. A time to expand their capacity for compassion and understanding.

So here is what I hope: That your possibilities become as vast as the sky and as deep as the ocean. That you are able to overcome whatever struggle or challenge that has crossed your path and to flourish. That you find inspiration to get up each day and carry on – step by baby step. That you discover and live the lessons buried deep within your pain. That we all find the answers we seek one fine day.

Most of all, I hope this is the beginning of a long conversation — just like the ones I have had over this past year — about what fuels your strength and courage to overcome the challenges you face. We can all learn from your journey.

To the possibilities that lay ahead.  Just suppose anything is possible.

With love,

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  17 comments for “My Story, Your Story: On Coping with Loss and Beginning Again

  1. February 17, 2012 at 1:28 am

    Dianna,

    This is beautiful and true – just like you. I’m so happy you are writing here and look forward to what’s next…

    Love to you,

    C

    • February 17, 2012 at 6:30 am

      Thank you! I hope to be as inspiring as you my friend.

  2. Julez Liss
    February 17, 2012 at 2:44 am

    Dianna,
    You are strong like a lion and sweet as butterflies. I am constantly amazed by your perserverance. You are a wonderful, friend and an inspiration to the world. I look forward to following your journey.
    Your keepin it real……rock on sista!

    • February 17, 2012 at 6:30 am

      JL..everyone needs a fan like you.

  3. Betsy DePew
    February 17, 2012 at 3:32 am

    Wow!! Beautifully said…

    • February 17, 2012 at 6:32 am

      So nice to hear from you. Thank you..

  4. Kate
    February 17, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    DB…YOU ARE A WRITER with a purpose and there is NOTHING MORE POWERFUL than than…well MAYBE a GORGEOUS MOMMA of 3 AMAZING CHILDREN…so that my friend makes you POWERFUL2.

    I hate that your story is full of pain but I LOVE that you have transformed it into something powerful(that word again, but it so applies to your goodness and light).

    YOU, me dear friend, make this world a better place by sharing your story and creating a space to listen to those who yet to tell their’s. Miss you, keep the hand writing… Love, KB

  5. Marg
    February 18, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Isn’t it amazing that one step at a time you can come back from a devastating
    experience you think you will never make it through.
    You are an amazing woman, think of you so often….love Marg

    • February 19, 2012 at 12:40 am

      Amazing indeed. I appreciate your courage and strength. Thank you..db

  6. Sue
    February 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Di,

    This is excellent. I have read it several times over the past few days and each time its intensity increases. I am so proud of you and look to you as a role model for how to tackle adversity and transform the battle into life lessons of courage and strength.

    You are an amazing woman! Can’t wait to read more.

    xx Sue

    • February 19, 2012 at 12:37 am

      Wow! Thank you. I hope to live up to all that goodness. Stay tuned…

  7. Debra Eve
    February 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Dianna, you are such a brave, beautiful and talented woman. I’m so happy you’ve found your writing voice.

  8. March 1, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Dianna, I think the is wonderful. The enormity of facebook shows us that we long to be connected to people. I have heard Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I like to believe that is true to an extent. We have choices, but when we are hit with something devastating, we suffer, even if for a little while… but the pain lingers.

    20+ years ago I was in a life threatening car accident that left me broken almost beyond repair. I remember thinking how there should be someone I could talk to. I was never in that situation before. One day living life normally, the next day crushed and in a coma, only to wake up to try and figure out how to live one day at a time…

    Your blog is a breath of fresh air. Thank you for writing it.

  9. Maria
    March 19, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    You’re a brave, beautiful soul. I couldn’t tell you how I found your website but know, unequivocally, I was meant to read this message. Coincidence?? I think not.

    Thank you for sharing your story, your heart, your experience.

    It touched my heart.

    • Dianna Bonny
      March 20, 2014 at 6:53 am

      I am so glad you found me Maria. It is our stories that connect us and I am honored to have your presence on this journey. I am always grateful for the serendipity that creates connection. Always seems like magic! Many thanks for your kind and encouraging words. xo

  10. July 19, 2014 at 11:37 am

    I am short of words but you are brave and strong. Just reading your blog for the first time. Thanks for sharing your story and reminding us that no matter the situation you face, you can heal and begin again.

    Thank you

    • Dianna Bonny
      July 22, 2014 at 9:27 pm

      Thank you, thank you! Appreciate you being here and sharing your kind words very much. db

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If you have found yourself on the threshold of loss, I blog weekly with tips and tools for the journey that helped me and may help you, too.



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