Emotional Healing: Shining a Light on Shame

“Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  –Brené Brown

People make assumptions about me when they hear my story, which I suppose is understandable.

Boy, you must hate men.

Will you ever trust anyone again?

How could you not have known?

I don’t hate men at all, quite the contrary. I do trust people, I just trust myself more now. The fact that I didn’t know what my husband was up to is an instructive meditation. I am still figuring out the things I knew on some level, but turned away from, and am seeking to understand why.

pretending

I think the question, “How could you not have known?” is an interesting reflection of the person asking it. I am never entirely certain if they are actually asking me, or merely questioning themselves. Often times it is followed by, “Do you think my husband/wife is having an affair?” and then a stream of consciousness about what might be happening in their marriage.

As I hold the magnifying glass over my previous life, I notice patterns emerging that harken back to an inability, or unwillingness, to see what was before me. I created blind spots in my world and then hid behind them.

On that rueful day when the phone call brought reality into crystal clear focus, no blind spot could protect me. I was suddenly stranded on an island of shame and I was as dumbstruck by the deceit as I was by my own naiveté.

For some reason, in spite of the shame, I started sharing my story. And in the sharing I realized I was not alone. There are a lot of wounded humans out there silently bearing the pain of their invisible wounds because of shame.

In Daring Greatly, author Brené Brown speaks of shame as the, “fear of disconnection — it’s the fear that something we’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection.”

It is difficult to find the words that capture the intensity and depth of how flawed and unworthy I felt in those first few months. But the universe kindly directed open and honest souls across my path who showed me the desperate need for authentic conversation.

It is my hope that in sharing my journey, I can create a space for others to release themselves from the bondage of shame so we can all begin to discover the infinite power of our light together.

I honor your presence here and hope you will share your story too.

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  2 comments for “Emotional Healing: Shining a Light on Shame

  1. August 22, 2013 at 1:04 am

    Thanks, Dianna. and well done on sharing your story. Brene Brown is great isn’t she? I found her work lately and like you find her ideas about shame and resilience struck a deep chord.
    I’ve written a review of her latest book “Daring Greatly”
    http://stepstowardsthemountain.blogspot.ie/2013/07/review-of-daring-greatly-by-brene-brown.html
    In it she explores further how to escape “the bondage of shame”

    • Dianna Bonny
      August 22, 2013 at 7:57 am

      Thank you Ellen. Love Brene and her book. She just gets it, doesn’t she? I think her work is shining a bright light in the dark corners we all need to explore. I will head over and read your review. Glad you came by. db

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If you have found yourself on the threshold of loss, I blog weekly with tips and tools for the journey that helped me and may help you, too.



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