Thanksgiving Stories & Conscious Parenting

I dropped off my son at the Park-N-Ride Sunday morning so he could travel back up to college for finals, and then I headed out for my morning walk. All along the streets, parents were engaged in similar endeavors: getting kids into their cars, hugging and slinging suitcases into the trunk.

As I walked along, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that our weekend was so magical. It might be because I threw myself into this Thanksgiving full throttle, or perhaps we were all just ready for a good, relaxing holiday together. It also might have been the Sweet Potato Pie.

There were a few noteworthy holiday moments that made every cell in my body smile. For instance, after the turkey dinner wrapped up, we decided to watch a movie. It can be a challenge to find one we agree on and often, we give up. My recommendation won out, although it was touch and go as soon as they realized it was a foreign film with sub-titles (Yuck!) It is one of my favorite films and luckily they enjoyed it (sigh of relief), so the big smile moment came at the end when they all told me they thought it was really good.

Sometimes, it is these silly little things that create the most meaning for me as a mother.

If you haven’t seen The Intouchables, I can’t recommend it enough. Great storyline, incredible acting and amazing music — worth it just for the dance scene to Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Boogie Wonderland”.

Then there was the stop-you-in-your-tracks moment, which I suppose every holiday has to have in order to qualify for being an actual holiday. I don’t know about you, but my childhood was full of them.

There we all were eating Eggs Benedict on Thanksgiving morning listening to my college-attending son, who arrived at two am, chatting away about his adventures, when he pauses and opens his mouth to insert a bite of food. My eyes happen to glance his way at this very moment and I catch a glimpse of the is-that-what-I-think-it-is silver ball attached to his tongue and I blurt out, “Oh my god, you had your tongue pierced.”

I wasn’t planning on writing a blog post so it escaped me to take a photo but my mind was awash in silver balls.

silver balls | Dianna Bonny Photography

I manage to steel myself into the space of awareness and watch all the fireworks going off in my head. A freight train of mental banter steam rolls through my mind — this is a concept that collides with my image of my child.

As I am assimilating the pierced tongue into my reality, I ponder what my reaction might have been a few years ago when I had a much more black-and-white view of the world. I might have seen it as a sign of bad parenting or evidence that my kid was headed in the wrong direction. I imagine what my parents would have done if I had showed up with a piercing and that makes me chuckle. I simply wouldn’t have done it out of fear of the consequences.

I ponder the fact that my child is not fearful of expressing himself around me and decide there is something worthwhile to consider here.

I am reminded that we are parenting in challenging times and it makes me realize that this family island I have fiercely fought to salvage and protect after the events of 2010 is still very much afloat in the real world, where kids grow up and become humans with their own opinions and creative impulses.

I register my dismay with him and consciously make the internal choice to see it as a sign of expression. It’s one I don’t understand, mind you, but my kids are part of a generation that expresses itself in creative ways that my generation did not. For now, I am OK exploring that space and grateful that a tongue can heal.

How about you – did you have a noteworthy holiday moment? Does parenting bring you face to face with things that challenge you?

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  6 comments for “Thanksgiving Stories & Conscious Parenting

  1. December 4, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    What a great Thanksgiving story Dianna! Reminds me of a couple years ago at Christmas when my son announced he was getting a “sleeve” a full arm tattoo. I tried to be cool and realize that he is a creative and needs outlets to express himself, but it truly took me 5 full minutes just to pick my chin up off the floor! (thankfully, he never followed through on it – those don’t come off!) I love you calling it a “stop-you-in-your-tracks” moment – sounds so much better than being shocked out of your skin! lol

    Our Thanksgiving was full of sweet moments this year too. I think my favorite part was at dinner when my son and daughter got into a deep conversation about how they were raised to feel about taking risks in life. It was fascinating to hear it from their point of view and to realize maybe we’d talk them something good. 🙂

    I’m so glad you had a wonderful weekend with your family full of warm memories – and I agree The Intouchables is truly a gem! I’ve seen it three times!! xo

    • Dianna Bonny
      December 5, 2013 at 11:44 am

      So glad you had a good holiday Karen. There is truly nothing better than hearing confirmation from your own children’s mouths that the good things have sunk in. I didn’t mention my tattoo moments but I have had those as well! Isn’t that movie the best!? Sending love for a wonderful holiday season. Always love hearing from you. xo

  2. December 6, 2013 at 7:59 am

    Thus far, these things haven’t bothered me with my college-age daughters. I look at co-workers’ kids and all the dire hell they put their parents through both intentionally and unintentionally, and I feel so lucky. I have shrugged off blue hair, nose rings, tats. Piercings grow over, hair grows back, most tats can be covered. It’s all a matter of perspective, and I’m just as often the one now who has to remind them that Mom has her own life and doesn’t have to fit in their expectations of me.

    • Dianna Bonny
      December 8, 2013 at 7:42 am

      So true Lorna. I am lucky as well to have happy and respectful kids. Experimentation is all a part of growing up and I try to give them the space to do that so they have a good sense of themselves. Thank you for sharing your experience here – always good to hear from someone on the same path. xo

  3. December 7, 2013 at 11:12 am

    I’m of an older generation, so I’m pretty well protected from any kids throwing any “track-stoppers” my way. But this has sure been a year in which friends and clients are looking at events around them and trying to interpret them fairly … that is, not necessarily in their own eyes only, but also in the eyes of the young person who made the decision to take the action. What a year!

    • Dianna Bonny
      December 8, 2013 at 7:45 am

      We live in interesting times, don’t we Sharon? I think this has been a challenging year for many people. I find it is all about awareness and perspective – that keeps me connected. Thank you for sharing. xo

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