There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t find myself drifting off into the no man’s land of mindlessness. Almost without noticing, I can go from being engaged in an activity, say writing, and then off I go into the land of a million useless and scary thoughts. It is truly astonishing how often it happens.

An erratic, gusting wind is blowing outside my window right now, the leaves blowing hopelessly at its mercy to and fro around the yard. It accurately reflects what my mind looks like at these times. I tried to get a picture, but the damn leaves would not cooperate.

I am discovering that awareness is an ongoing effort: it requires determination and tender curiosity.

I have found the only way to break free of the hypnotic spell of unconsciousness is through determined effort. For instance, if I simply observe the discomfort that frequently arises in the depths of my belly, rather than push it away, I am less likely to become a victim of my mind, which has the tendency to label and disconnect.

The next thing I know, I am down in the mental gutter being helplessly run over by my fears of being homeless, penniless, toothless and alone.

I have been experimenting with this process in earnest. The other day, I noticed a sensation building, which became an excruciating tension in my body that I couldn’t stand any longer. Precariously perched on the thin end of the insanity wedge, I sat down and took ten of the longest, deepest breaths I could muster. I focused on breathing into the discomfort and asked:

“What do you want? Please help me understand.”

I might have used the f-bomb. The path to awareness is not always graceful.

After a while, an uncomfortable while, my body began to relax. A voice spoke up, from a place much deeper and quieter than the gutter noise, and I learned that what I was feeling was not anxiety, but rather, an unfamiliar creative excitement. In my efforts to shut down what I interpreted as anxiety, I completely missed this simple truth:  I am in the process of birthing something entirely new in my life, including this blog and other endeavors.

Perhaps the universe is simply delivering an influx of necessary energy, right into my womb, the birthplace of creation.

As a society, I think we all have the tendency to run from the discomfort of our feelings. It seems easier to self-medicate, get lost in the busy-ness of our lives or create drama as a diversion.

If you happen to have a hankering for a more embodied and connected life, try sitting with whatever you are feeling and honor it. Locate the sensation in your body and be open to what wants to show up. Just listen and let it deliver its message. Our cells, tissues and organs constitute a magnificent and highly evolved communication system that contain all the information we need to navigate the complex world we inhabit, if we are willing to allow it to come through.

I believe your body is your biggest ally and compass. Especially in times of upheaval.

I have high hopes for the beneficent powers of the universe to seep into every cell of your being and clear the path home to your heart, and I would love to hear about it.

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.