Healing Trauma and Restoring Balance After Chaos

There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed. The residue of the long, restless night seeps into the day and fills my cells with a resistance to facing what is before me. I long to feel normal again — although I’m not sure if there is such a thing anymore — and to know that my efforts to shepherd my children through these events, in this raw and honest way, will create a better future.

In the beginning, when our lives had been sliced open from top to bottom and the contents spilled out everywhere, I tried to gather up the various parts and push them back in place. I naively thought I could just return to the old way of being.

Then, one day, while walking on the beach, I realized that my life as I knew it, was over. Accepting that fact was the true beginning of the journey back to myself.

For a while, I also felt compelled to show people we were doing OK. It stemmed from the hopeful look in their eyes when they asked, “How are you doing?” And I did not want to disappoint them with the dark contents of my mind.

It took me a while to understand that “being ok” in the eyes of others was not relative. All that mattered was making sense of things in my own personal way.

I had to be brutally honest with myself because, while everyone else was going forward with the same life, I was not. To try and pretend otherwise amounted to lunacy.

Facing this fact allowed me to sink deep within and begin retrieving parts of my soul that I had long ignored. At times it left me in a tearful, crumpled heap on the floor. Healing is a fiery, messy business, but it has allowed me to realign with my own innate wisdom. That part of me that knows the direction of my true north.

My therapist tells me to welcome the dark moments because they are opportunities to heal. This is a challenge to grasp but I try to be in conversation with the pain my soul brings to the surface and honor the messages.

I’ve read that the soul always seeks to restore balance, otherwise we are forever lopsided, dragging the weight of our wounds with us through life. Perhaps this is why we continue to repeat our mistakes over and over: our higher self is seeking a better ending to the story. Until we realize that we have the choice to make this happen, we are locked in the cycle.

The more I acknowledge the inner chaos, the less disruptive the energetic surges seem to be. The more I surrender to this new reality, the more space I have in my being to look out into the future with hope.

Do you have those dark moments when it feels like your being may come unglued? How do you take care of yourself?

I believe you will get through your dark night and that beauty awaits you on the other side.

Sending love to to you and your healing soul.

-db

Who is Dianna Bonny?

Hi, my name is Dianna Bonny. It’s my mission to candidly share my journey with you. For me, it’s all about the healing: to create a radiant healing energy for others who have befallen a similar fate. Together, we can forge beautiful lives of belonging and connection. Thanks for joining me today! I look forward to hearing from you.

  4 comments for “Healing Trauma and Restoring Balance After Chaos

  1. Terry Demoline
    January 29, 2013 at 10:01 am

    Thanks for your courage and honesty Dianna. I haven’t been wanting to get out of bed for too many mornings lately. And usually sandwiched in between lthose layers of sleep are a couple of hours awake, thinking things like, “Is this struggle really all there is to life?”, and then flailing around trying to pull the things I have to be grateful for back into my realm.” The night has it’s magic, or it’s own insidiousness. It seems to magnify everything that is swimming around in our brains. Mostly I feel lonely and realize how alone I am. How human that I took such great comfort in reading your blog this morning, and realizing that I am not so alone. Someone else didn’t sleep. Others are out there traversing their path through struggles and blessings and what this is that we call “life”. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Dianna
    January 30, 2013 at 6:59 am

    Hi Terry: Thank you for your comment. It is so nice to hear from you and I am glad you found comfort here and, in some way, a connection. The more people I meet on this journey, the more I realize we all share the feeling of being alone in the struggle. It is what I most hope to bring here to this space – a sense of connection. I think our invisible wounds perpetuate our sense of being alone, but ultimately have the potential to heal and unite us. I hope sharing mine will help start that process. I am so pleased you stopped by…please come again. Be well..db

  3. May 28, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Dianna,

    Yes, I do have those dark moments. Especially of late since I just completed a book on abuse. Writing it out takes a lot out of me and yet, I knew I was supposed to do it.

    Making sure I fill my bucket back up is helpful when I feel the pain deeply.

    • Dianna Bonny
      May 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Anne: Thank you for your comment. Writing is so cathartic and healing for me – I hope it is the same for you. I agree that the bucket needs to be filled up with regular self-care. Looking forward to learning more about your book. Thank you. xo

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